Outlaws will allow players to step into the shoes of a galactic smuggler. This new character is trying to make a name for themselves in the criminal underworld with the help of their furry companion. No, not Han Solo and Chewie but a brand new duo of scoundrels. Kay Vess and her pal Nix will be playable in this open-world game that combines action, stealth and space combat.

Taking place between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi players will be thrust into the middle of the Galactic Civil War. You’ll be taking missions from various factions. Chubby slug icon Jabba the Hutt, post-Game of Thrones Emilia Clarke (remember the solo Solo movie?) and more will hire Kay to pull off various heists and cons.

Being a Ubisoft title, various editions will be available at launch. They will each have different additional goodies. The standard edition will include ship and speeder cosmetics. While the ultimate edition will have the season pass, early access and more. With a long pedigree of excellent Star Wars games, this will be the franchise’s most ambitious videogame outing to date and the first truly open-world title so far.

Will Watto appear? Only time will tell.

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2024-04-26

Battlefield Earth

Flooded, devastated cities, violent mutated bug monsters, a general sense of hopelessness… no, not modern Britain but the premise of Stellar Blade! Stellar Blade is an action adventure game that borrows from many sources, with admittedly few of its own tricks. As a new first-party exclusive published by Sony and developed by Korean developer Shift Up, this follows Rise of the Ronin as a refreshing change of pace for Sony. Far from their cinematic third person output, this is very much a video game of moment to moment action rather than narrative emphasis. This is a godsend as the narrative is probably the ropiest aspect! So does Stellar Blade live up to its name or is it about to be cut down to size?

Stellar Blade Running

At first then combat comes across as quite basic, the standard attack, counter attack then punish loop. Quickly though you’ll unlock new moves and different types of counter attack opportunities that make fighting monsters a much more engaging process. Every slash feels visceral, the super moves you charge up landing with an exceptional oomph. These moves can break shields and interrupt combos so timing their use is essential. The counter is also very satisfying, not as unforgiving as recent similar games. Knocking enemies into a staggered phase never gets tired. Despite some really wacky enemy designs their attacks are very readable, truly mitigating the usual frustrations of these systems. Exploring the environments for health and attack energy upgrades leads to some interesting traversal opportunities and challenging combat encounters, so going off the beaten track is definitely recommended. Unlocking Souls-style shortcuts to earlier areas is always pleasant, bringing you closer to base camps where you can purchase items , upgrade abilities and save. 

Click to view slideshow.

A Cut Above?

Graphically this is a real tale of two (flooded) cities. The world and monsters look superb, the post-apocalyptic world being a mix of realism and a kind of maximalism seen in classic depictions of Gotham City. However, the human characters… are just plain creepy. Eve and her fellow space-warriors all share a bizarre plastic quality. This, combined with their cartoonish proportions give the impression of playing as an expensive sex doll. Initially decked out in the tightest wet suit it’s a relief when you finally unlock alternate costumes. As opposed to a Bayonetta or a 2B, Eve is just a wet blanket which only adds to the visual awkwardness . A very odd miss for a game with otherwise excellent visuals. The music is mostly melancholy pop-songs with repetitive lyrics. They oddly fit the tone of the game but could be incredibly off-putting for the less musically-forgiving.

Despite some rough edges, Stellar Blade is a rock solid adventure with an addictive gameplay loop. If you look past Eve’s screen-hogging bum, you’ll find a world of downtrodden splendour with alien freaks to battle and side-quests to discover.

If nothing else it’s inspiring to see a fairly new development team create a title this polished and simultaneously large-scale. Indeed, this may be the Eve of something great.

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2024-03-22

Once upon a time in the Far East

The samurai fantasy is one of gaming’s most enduring, maybe just behind being a ninja. How ironic that Team Ninja, despite their name, has seemingly jumped ship. Nioh and now Rise of the Ronin each provide a very different take on a Japanese adventure, so what’s the angle with their new Playstation exclusive?

Set in Japan during the tempestuous period as they relaxed their isolationist policies, Ronin assigns players the role of a custom-made samurai duo. Following the extensive character creator, the opening level seems to promise a Souls-styled adventure – relatively linear encounters as you storm a foreign ship and then make a hasty retreat from your burning homestead. Following this, you’ll be thrust into an open-world Japan, opening up an adventure of epic proportions. Exploring this world on foot, horseback, an anachronistic paraglider and using a grapple hook 

This is katana

Most striking is the vast combat options available. With over eight weapon types available, each with multiple stances and unique martial attacks to unlock, choosing a preferred playstyle is incredibly difficult. Unarmed is a particular favourite, there’s little more satisfying than parrying an enemy swordsman with your bare hands and throwing him to the ground karate style. While there is a strong focus on parrying attacks, the timing for this can be incredibly precise and obscure. Thankfully, with so many options of approach, you can cheese battles in incredibly funny and satisfying ways. Why bang your head against a wall fighting a horde of bandits when you can find a nice vantage point to use your rifle to explode their heads? 

While initial comparisons to Sony’s other open-world samurai game Ghost of Tsushima seem obvious, the tonal differences are day and night. Where Tsushima took a reverential, somewhat po-faced approach to samurai history, Ronin delights in the absurd. While the game is deeply invested in the real-world history of the period, it never allows itself to be restrained by it. Robot arms, flying machines, collecting cats and sending dogs as envoys to other players, the lunacy never ends! With many comedic side-quests such as finding a mugged British coal-merchants clothes, Ronin has a wonderful streak of the Yakuza series.

Click to view slideshow.

You’ll make a wide range of allies along the way who will assist you during certain missions, or you can find players online to join in too. These NPC allies have certain political allegiances in the story too, so you’ll have to pick sides during story beats. Upgrading your speechcraft will give you more conversational options, allowing certain brawls to be circumnavigated entirely. From reformed bandits to geisha madams, your allies are varied

Last (thoughts) of the samurai

With so much to see and do, Rise of the Ronin may be the biggest samurai epic since Kurosawa’s movies, albeit one remixed with the wackiness of a Takeshi Kitano joint. It may not be the prettiest PS5 title but it’s ludicrously packed with bizarre and fantastic details and sights to see. Forgive some rough edges and you’re in for a strange and wonderful trip. Despite being set almost two hundred years ago, this title makes it feel like the samurai are stronger than ever. 

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Voila! Dear Villagers, a French publisher, in partnership with fellow French indie developer La Moutarde, is double thrilled to announce the anticipated release of their inspired RPG adventure game, Terra Memoria, on all platforms this March 27th.

Terra Memoria, is so much more than the 3 C’s

Cute, Cozy, and Chill: It embodies the holy trinity of the three C’s (yes, we just coined that term). But don’t be fooled by the vibe description—beneath its tranquil surface lies an adventurous journey filled with story-rich exploration, turn-based combat and intriguing puzzles! Engage in various delightful side quests including cooking and crafting; Terra Memoria truly offers something for everyone. The enchanting journey awaits on Steam, Switch, PlayStation 5, and Xbox Series consoles.

The demo is Steam Deck Optimized and will be available until the launch day! Note that after enjoying the demo, you’ll be able to continue where you left off when the game is released in exactly two weeks! Go wishlist Terra Memoria so you don’t miss out on your chance to be among the first to explore the land of Terra.

A new adventure to sink your teeth into

A shortage of magic crystals and the sudden awakening of ancient robots pushes six new friends into a crazy investigation through Terra, a whimsical and cosy world combining 3D graphics and pixel art. Players control all party members, as each embarks on their own story and brings their unique skills to the table as they engage in Terra Memoria’s turn-based combat.

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Sony and Arrowhead Games Studio have teamed up to give us a long-awaited sequel to Helldivers, which they have imaginatively titled Helldivers 2. Has it been worth the long nine-year wait? The answer is a resounding “Hell Yeah!”

I’m Doing My Part!

Helldivers 2 is a third-person, team-based, co-op shooter that sees you, a proud patriot of Super Earth, fighting off hoards of alien insect creatures and mechanised killing machines of various shapes and sizes. Think Starship Troopers: The Game and you are pretty much 99% of the way there.

After a (hilarious) tutorial, you board your chosen spaceship, ready to dive down to an alien land to teach them a thing or two about Super Earth’s “managed democracy”. This will involve completing a primary objective, with optional side missions and looting. The missions are what you would come to expect from a game like this. Some are ‘eliminate X, some are ‘retrieve Y’ and some are a mix of both. Just remember to get to the extraction point before the timer runs out.

With such standard mission types and a complete lack of campaign mode to speak of, you would think that this game could get boring quite quickly. But Helldivers manages to avoid this by just being chaotically fun.

You Look Good as Hell

Presentation-wise, Helldivers puts most new releases to shame. The graphics are the right blend of schlocky splatterfest and realistic. The intro video is picture-perfect and the sound design is genuinely stunning. The bombastic, almost national anthemic, music as you perform a cinematic hell dive down to a planet full of “terrorists” is stirring.

There is a wonderfully visceral nature to the combat in the game too. The enemies are nicely varied, with different methods of attack. Limbs and various other body parts are easily shot off in a haze of bodily fluid. But you aren’t just at risk of the enemy creatures; friendly fire is a real and VERY present danger. A stray bullet from a teammate hurts just as much as an attack from an alien. Realistically there is rarely anything on screen at any given time that CAN’T and WON’T kill you. Be prepared to die. A lot.

Another thing to be aware of is the stratagems. Stratagems are special weapons which you can trigger by entering a code with your D-pad. Not exactly the most user-friendly way of deploying a weapon when you most need it, but it does add to the intensity.

These different super weapons can range from being a revive for fallen teammates, to an intercontinental ballistic missile and everything in between. These can be unlocked and upgraded by mission progression and are as varied as they are deadly.

Plan-et Out

For a brainless shooter, it can be as deep and as strategic as you want it to be.

Every gun seems to handle uniquely. Shooting a pistol feels nothing like firing a machine gun, which in turn feels nothing like blasting a shotgun. This is especially true if you are using the PS5’s DualSense. Helldivers II makes the most of the haptic feedback to really let you feel the carnage you are deploying.

The substantial variety of guns and stratagems gives the game a nice bit of depth. With every new deployment, you can change your loadout to change your play style. You could choose to pick weapons and stratagems that provide cover fire to allow someone to defend an objective. You could also choose to bring revive stratagems and a long-range weapon to be some sniper/medic hybrid. This is especially important if you are in a good team with good communication. Sure, you could all choose to be four heroic Jason Stathams, rushing headlong into the enemy hoard, but that won’t really get you far.

If You Ain’t First, You’re Last

It’s amazing how balls-to-the-wall fun this game can be. Even when played solo, the experience is different every time, but the true magic and the true longevity comes with the multiplayer aspect. Before you join a mission, you can see in real-time if the war is being won by humans or their enemies. There is a live scoreboard telling you the progression real-world players have made in collectively conquering, sorry, I mean, liberating a planet (and probably taking its oil).

This is a great mechanic and really adds to the game, knowing that if you fail or succeed, it has an actual impact on whether the whole gaming community succeeds. Even when in a lobby with strangers, there seems to be a shared enthusiasm you don’t see from other multiplayer games.

Underneath all of this is a very funny game. It is fully aware of the source material it is drawing from. It doesn’t shy away from making it obvious. Instead, it leans into it, and it is all the better for it.

If Sony and Arrowhead continue to support this game with regular updates, patches and little changes, just to keep it fresh, Helldivers II will go from strength to strength. Already a contender for GOTY in my book.

Helldivers 2 is heavy on satire, heavy on violence, heavy on humour and more importantly, heavy on fun.

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Toy Trains VR is essentially a train-set simulation for VR. I mean, we have Goat Simulators, Power Wash Simulators so why not a Toy Train Simulator?

In Toy Trains, you are someone who unearths a train set in your grandparent’s attic. While waiting for your Mam and Dad to arrive home, you open the train set and let your imagination run wild. But in this imagination-fueled world in which you lay the tracks, there are living people called Railies who need you to carry out tasks for them.

I Choo-Choo-Choose You!

The Railies live too far apart from each other and rely on you to make sure they can interact. It’s also very important that you include the construction site in the loop because every level sees new and improving benefits for the Railies. Sometimes they are building a cinema, and sometimes they are building an airport, but you are always the catalyst for making a better life for the Railies that rely on you.

With every successful level you complete, you earn different track pieces. Earning the ability to add bridges, slopes and even sharp turns, transforms the landscape of your Railies quite literally.

Also, as you help your Railies, your own personal story develops. I don’t want to elaborate on that anymore as it is something that should be experienced, not described.

Graphically, the game is gorgeous. There is not one thing I can fault about it. VR games often try too hard to be super realistic and come across Uncanny Valley or they just look basic. The visuals in Toy Trains are spot on. Proper blend of nostalgia while looking crisp and legitimate. There are also a good few little hidden easter eggs and interactive areas that feel so natural and help add to the immersion.

Also, when you complete a level, you can “decorate” it as you see fit. This is one of the most surprisingly fun aspects of this game. Watching the interactions, improving the aesthetic and pretty much doing anything you wish to your own landscape is bizarrely cathartic.

Don’t you know I’m Loco? (motion)

I genuinely can see people using this game as a stress reliever and not just as a narrative-driven game. It is genuinely calming and soothing to be able to just have a little go and let your imagination run wild.

The controls are very intuitive and very easy to use. Sometimes with VR games, there is a disconnect, but everything you do in this game feels natural. Whether it is selecting a slanted section of track or discarding a bridge section in the bin, it feels realistic and authentic.

Toy Trains VR is not what I would call a traditional “game”. It is a puzzle game, a train sim, and a building sim all rolled into one. It is more of an experience than a game.

Toy Trains has a beautiful, heart-rending story that is fantastically told. More importantly, it is entertaining too. There were times when I was stumped as to how I would be able to run the track the correct way in order to serve all the houses. I actually cared for the people in my world when they were struggling.

On The Right Track

Toy Trains sounded like something I would have absolutely zero investment in. I have no interest in model railways. I don’t care about building sims. How in the world would a VR Sim about a train set interest me in any way?

The answer is… by charm.

Toy Trains VR is undoubtedly one of, if not THE, most charming games I have ever played. As I said earlier, It doesn’t feel like a game, it’s more of an experience. It won’t pique the interest of people who want to have an adrenaline-fuelled gaming session. It won’t tantalise the grey matter of those who want to be challenged mentally. What it will do though, is make you feel warm, relaxed and okay.

It’s wholesome.

I didn’t know what to expect from this game but what I got from it was more than I could have imagined.

A great little gem that I thoroughly recommend to anyone who might want a little detox from the norm.

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Toy Trains is launching January 16th 2024! Build the model railway of your dreams and solve satisfying puzzles in a nostalgic miniature world, coming to PlayStation VR2, Meta Quest 3 and 2, and SteamVR.

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The well-known arachnid slaughtering sim Kill it with Fire has made its way to the PSVR2. A game that began its life as a regular flatscreen game has added an extra dimension in order to try to terrify arachnophobes everywhere. And for the most part, it works. 

Kill it with Fire is definitely not a mainstream title, nor will it be for everyone. At its core, it is a very simple game where the player needs to enter a room and kill spiders. In order to progress to the next room, you need to also carry out some simple tasks. These can range from scanning groceries to run up a specific amount on a bill, to smashing plates against the wall. 

Shotgun Webbing

The way in which you dispose of the eight-legged freaks is quite well-varied. You start off by smooshing them with whatever is next to you. Want to squash them with a book? Sure thing. Want to crush them with your television? Go ahead. Want to blow up a petrol station in order to kill a tiny spider? Erm, you can… but perhaps seek help. 

Obviously, the more extreme ways of exterminating your creepy crawly enemies are unlocked as you progress, but the more bizarre they are, the more fun they become. There are guns, Molotovs, garden strimmers and many, many, more available to unlock. 

The objectives that don’t involve mayhem and destruction aren’t as much fun, but they do not outstay their welcome enough to become tedious. Your surroundings are highly interactive and almost everything you can see can be used, destroyed or thrown which is hugely entertaining. 

You’re Fired!

There is a sense of humour throughout the game, and it never once takes itself seriously. There is a charm to every level and a nice variety to your surroundings in the different rooms you find yourself in. 

Graphically, it does not look pretty, and it certainly doesn’t look realistic. This was a deliberate choice from the developers though. For someone who has just a slight aversion to spiders, it is still deeply unsettling when you begin the game. Even with super pixelated and dated graphics, you still get a great feeling of immersion which is key for any VR game. 

The sound is great especially if you wear earphones with the VR Headset. The sound of the scurrying spiders really gets under your skin. It also helps that the in-game music changes to something that sounds like a swarm scene from a horror film. It’s just good stuff. 

It’s VR-ry good

The controls are perfectly in keeping with what you would expect. If I could pick up on one slight negative, is that Kill it with Fire doesn’t take full advantage of the PSVR2 hardware. If the haptic feedback is utilised, it is barely noticeable. That could have been a nice additional feature. As I previously mentioned, it certainly doesn’t use the VR’s graphical capability to its full extent. On the plus side though, the eye tracking works great and allows you to choose your items of annihilation with ease. 

This really is the kind of game that lends itself brilliantly to PSVR2. Although you can run through the game in 3 to 4 hours, that is what you want from this title. While AAA non-VR releases (I am looking directly at you Modern Warfare III) rightly come into criticism for their brief runtimes, Kill it with Fire is a perfect length for VR release especially at this price point.  

Will it be in my top 10 list of games at the end of the year? Absolutely not. But I can say that it is undoubtedly fun and brilliantly entertaining. If you have PSVR2, it should be in your library. 

You can pick it up from the PS Store for a bargain €14.99. 

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In much the same way as the Marvel Universe has almost ruined itself with reliance on time shifts and alternate timelines, Mortal Kombat was following that path. A nice simple reboot of the story is welcome. 

MK1 doesn’t ignore its past, but it has simplified it to an extent. This makes it accessible for newer gamers but also has plenty of nods to its past to reward people familiar with the lore. 

Choose Your Destiny 

The plot takes up from after the events of MK11 and sees the Fire God Liu Kang training fighters as representatives of Earthrealm for the Mortal Kombat tournament. Liu Kang, with some “time-glass” chicanery, has changed the origin stories of almost all of the characters and we are introduced to familiar faces in a slightly different guise. 

To avoid going into spoiler territory, I will just say the story is exceptionally engaging and well-written, without being too hard to follow. Without a doubt, the story mode is the standout aspect of Mortal Kombat 1. When you are introduced to the different characters, their new personas are well spelt out and feel natural. It’s also nice to see a few characters being more fleshed out than they have been in previous titles. Mortal Kombat 1 also has exceptional voice acting (with the notable exception of Nitara voiced by Megan Fox). This is vital because, during the story mode, there are a lot of cut scenes, but because of good writing and great acting, they are never a chore to sit through. 

What really makes or breaks a fighting game is its mechanics. This year, the most notable addition is the Kameo system. This allows you to pick a second fighter from an auxiliary roster of fighters, which you can summon with a press of a button who will assist you. This allows you to break up attacks, add to a combo or just add a different dimension to the fight. It adds an element of experimentation, encouraging you to mix up your style to complement your fighter’s ability to mesh with your Kameo fighter.  

Get Over Here! 

While I love fighting games, I am not in any way good at them. A man of my vintage doesn’t want to have to learn complex combo inputs. Mortal Kombat 1 feels just right though. The difficulty levels are balanced perfectly to enable button mashers and nimble-fingered experts to enjoy the fights equally. It is the epitome of a game that is easy to play, but hard to master. There is no steep learning curve, but it is also never too easy. The tutorial mode is also there and is very thorough and helpful ensuring that you can get the most from your fighters 

Another new addition is the Invasion mode. A mode which sees you traverse different maps, fighting against the computer in various different challenges. The variation could be a fight where your opponent has super armour, a fight where you or your opponent is poisoned, an old-school ‘Test Your Might’ challenge or just a simple tower. Each match is slightly different and has different modifiers applied to mix it up a little. The more you progress, the more you unlock in-game currency to unlock different skins and rewards.  

Kontroversy 

This is where there is some controversy. Personally, I have really enjoyed it so far, but it can become a little bit of a grind. It is seasonally based, which has become standard across all genres of games. As enjoyable as most of the fights are, they can become a little repetitious. I think with a few tweaks in upcoming seasons adding more diversity to the fights, it could be a winner. It’s early days yet so I am willing to hold off on judgement for now. 

Visually, Mortal Kombat 1 is stunning, with beautifully rendered character models and cut scenes that blend seamlessly into the action. Although the backgrounds aren’t interactive, they do change somewhat depending on what happens during the fight. The sound also adds another layer to the visceral brutality, allowing you to hear every bone shatter and muscle tear. 

And of course, how can we talk about Mortal Kombat without speaking of its original selling point; The Fatalities. They are here and they are as disgustingly gorgeous as ever. I would love to be a fly on the wall when the creators are thinking up the different ways to dismember a fighter. There is an absence of Babalities and Friendships, but the absurdity of the Fatalities and Brutalities more than makeup for those. Another glaring omission is the removal of stage-specific fatalities. It would have been nice to have seen them make a return. 

Toasty! 

It is good to see the roster so stacked with familiar faces such as Sub Zero, Scorpion etc. The addition of Kameo characters also throws in a couple of nostalgic treats like Jax, Sonja and Stryker. It is a little frustrating that they aren’t selectable as main fighters. I can only assume that NetherRealm Studios will add them as DLC in the coming months.  

Overall, this is a successful soft reboot of a great franchise. Is it perfect? No. It has its flaws and outside of the story, the Invasion mode could do with a polish. I’m sure that. people will be frustrated by the reliance on micro-transactions and repetition as it stands. It’s early days and I think that as the seasons go on, it will be improved with updates. 

Mortal Kombat 1 is an easy recommendation for any fan of the series or simply of fighting games in general. Not quite a flawless victory, but damn close. 

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The post Mortal Kombat 1 Review – Flawless Victory? appeared first on GamEir.

A relentless specimen from a distant planet

The Xenomorph is the embodiment of the stealth Killer – quick and powerful, it can strike Survivors with its razor-sharp tail. The Xenomorph’s Power, called Runner Mode, allows the Killer to walk on four legs and become stealthier, reducing its Terror Radius considerably. An icon of the horror and science fiction realm, it is the perfect deadly killer: surprising even the most resourceful Survivors and forcing them to “sign off”…

“What a gift to bring such an icon of horror into Dead by Daylight”, says Dave Richard, Creative Director for Dead by Daylight. “Its appearance is so striking, so fear-inducing in itself…but to have it in our game also delivering on horrifying surprise moments really opens the door for fun strategic gameplay. I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished with this Chapter.”

The Xenomorph’s arrival also introduces a new interactive Map function: Control Stations. Seven Control Stations are scattered across the Map. Survivors can interact with these stations to get a new Tool. The Remote Flame Turret, while the Xenomorph can enter and exit the tunnels underneath the Control Station. 

“Creating the Xenomorph’s Tunnel system was very challenging as we had never created a sub-level that could only be accessible to the Killer”, explains Janick Neveu, Game Designer on Dead by Daylight. “This new mechanic grants it Map-wide mobility and definitely amps up the scare factor – which feels very connected to the original character.” 

The Ultimate Survivor

As the sole survivor of the Nostromo, Ellen Ripley is strong-willed, level-headed, and determined. Having overcome relentless threats, she is the embodiment of resilience, making her an invaluable ally to any Survivor group. She has faced the Xenomorph before and is now in the Entity’s hands. Her fate in this hostile place is still undecided – but there is hope.

“Get out of there!”

Surrounded by vast, overwhelming shadows, an omnipresent feeling of dread is imbued with the new Map, Nostromo Wreckage. The Entity has reconstructed the Nostromo spaceship from Ripley’s memories so that players can stalk – or be stalked – around the derelict and nightmarish craft. Players will rediscover the iconic ship as it incorporates memorable elements from the first Alien film with some unique Dead by Daylight twists.

New Survivor Tool: The Remote Flame Turret

Dead by Daylight: Alien introduces a new Survivor tool that can be used exclusively when facing the Xenomorph. The Remote Flame Turret’s defensive attack staggers the Xenomorph and can cause its unique Power to end.

This tool complexifies gameplay as it requires Survivors to strategically place the Turret and activate it at the opportune time. Players will be kept on their toes as they will need to repair the tool if it overheats, and will be forced to protect it (and themselves) from the powerful Xenomorph, which can destroy the Turret. Who will make it out alive?

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Postal 4: No Regerts has been billed by the developers as the “true sequel” to 2003’s controversial Postal 2. The series itself is perhaps more well-known for its reputation rather than its content so will this console release finally give us a game to live up to the hype?

The game is set a few years after the events of Postal 2 and has you in control of the main character, the Postal Dude. You and your pit-bull terrier, Champ, emigrate to the fictional town of Edensin, Arizona. When stopping for a break, the Dude’s car is stolen, forcing him to take on several jobs to make ends meet in the unfamiliar town, with the end goal of getting his car back. To do so you must complete tasks throughout the week and take on certain jobs to earn money.

I had heard lots about the mythos of Postal and how it was an outrageous, violent, and distasteful series and to be honest, it sounded like it would be right up my alley. I am not above enjoying gallows (and even downright offensive) humour and was looking forward to seeing what Postal 4: No Regerts had in store for me. And boy did it offend me, but for all the wrong reasons.

Regrets; I have a few

The variety between different missions is also a huge disappointment. They are just your usual “travel here,” “pick up this,” and “deliver it here” tropes that, to be fair, are prevalent in most open-world games. The difference here though is the fact that it is not fun to travel in this game. It takes too long to get from point A to point B and when you arrive, the “errands” are exceptionally tedious.

When you see it written down, it does sound like it has promise. One day you are working in a prison, the next for human traffickers, then the mob, then the mayor etc. With even a minimal amount of effort, you could make a decent game around that premise. Especially with the capabilities of the current-gen consoles. This is why this game is so bafflingly joyless.

The combat is sterile and feels weightless. There is no peril in combat because when you die, you just respawn at the last checkpoint without losing any progress. The enemies you may have dispatched since then remain dead and any collectable you picked up is still in your inventory. It sometimes makes more sense to kill yourself to get back to a checkpoint rather than travel all the way back.

Every enemy/hazard is a bullet sponge. The AI is non-existent and will either completely ignore you, walk in a straight line towards you, or walk backwards and forwards, spewing inane and situationally irrelevant one-liners. There is a suitable selection of weapons available, but all of them feel the same.  

The controls are awkward, and floaty, and intermittently switch from being unresponsive to over-sensitive for no reason. This is particularly frustrating in the many platforming sections where one misplaced jump will bring you back to the very start of an arduous section of the game.

This is BS, It doesn’t work, it does nahht… Oh Hai Mark!

The graphics in Postal 4: No Regerts are simply ugly. So ugly that you would have to assume that it was a choice by the developers to garner a reaction. The NPCs are repetitive and do not move as they should. They glitch in and out of the screen and do not react to their surroundings accurately or consistently. The backgrounds are empty, devoid of life and endlessly dull. There are constant performance issues and jarring loading screens that appear out of nowhere. Loading screens? For a glitchy mess of a game like this? God of War wants a word with the developers.

The sound is just as bad. The NPCs just blather one-line quotes randomly. Sometimes multiple NPCs speak over each other. Sometimes different NPCs say the same quote, using the same voice, at the same time. Even the subtitles are riddled with typos and sometimes are not even related to the speech on screen.

It genuinely seems that it is a poor attempt at trolling by the developers. It might be an effort to market this as a “so-bad-it’s-good” type of game. Like a gaming version of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room. But it misses in every metric.

Put quite simply, this is the least fun I have had playing a game. Ever.

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