But we played it all the time (“all the time” here means: “On Saturday mornings when we were allowed to play the Sega for extended amounts of time”). We didn’t know why this kangaroo-looking thing (who sometimes revealed a cute little ginger quiff when he took his helmet off) was wearing armour and what he stood for. The opening of the game reveals only the spectre of a looming, sneering pig tyrant hovering over the valiant yet puny figure of Sparkster. Then it’s into the game we go, and pig soldiers jump out from behind hills with scimitars while Sparkster flings a boomerang (?) at them. By the way, you might assume that because he looks like a kangaroo and fights with a boomerang, that he is some kind of Australian stereotype but he is, in fact, an opossum. And his ‘boomerang’ is, according to Wikipedia, ‘a sword that can project energy’. He also has a jetpack that you can use to zoom around a bit, but it is a somewhat volatile tool.

Aw cute, look at this moody… kangaroo? Wombat?

Upon replaying it now, I am blown away by how difficult it is. Now, disclaimer, despite enjoying games, I have no inherent talent for them. Newer games (if games on the Xbox 360 can even be called ‘newer’ anymore) tend to have more forgiving difficulty settings, and I have no problem turning anything way down to easy or novice if it means I can comfortably play the game and enjoy the world or plot laid out. But the great (and often frustrating) thing about these Sega games is that they require skill and hard work. They require hours of getting to know the game and getting to know all the little tricks you would need to conquer it.

It was a communal experience for us growing up. I learned my watching my older siblings, who told me what to watch for, which was to jump, how to use the infernal jetpack. And then, I would help my sister playing with that same wisdom, her sitting on the floor in front of the telly while I lay on the couch beside her, trying my absolute darndest to beat Whitney and her stupid goddamn Miltank on the Gameboy.

So playing it now, these nuggets of wisdom and exclamations of ‘Watch out for the truck!’ come back to me as I fail to get through the first level, again and again. I find it difficult now to have the patience for this grind – working all day and collapsing into the couch, it’s hard to motivate myself to sit on the floor so that I can reach the wired Sega controller and play a game that needs to be memorised, known back to front. Turns out, the dogged determination of a child with only a few hours a week that they can devote to gaming totally beats the skills of a jaded, mid-twenties, not-upwardly-mobile-but-precariously-wavering professional any day of the week. It’s an amazing thing, to play Rocket Knight Adventures and to look back at myself and my siblings as children and see us as stoic masters of the art.

Photo of me and my siblings, colourised, circa 2000.

Enough waxing romantic about the game, let’s get into it. To start with, it has an interesting look. It doesn’t saturate the screen with tinkling bright colours but plays with a fairly muted palette. Sparkster is brown with blue armour, and the world around him is full of greens, browns and russet reds. The opponents are mechanical snakes and monsters, and the pigs who produce/operate them. They are, as I learned from the Wikipedia page, agents of the Emperor Devligus, who rules the Devotindos Empire. They are threatening Zebulos, Sparkster’s homeland, with the help of the corrupt Rocket Knight, Axel Gear.

The most standout thing is how this game does not let up. In Sonic, you fight small opponents for the first parts of each zone, with a tricky boss match at the end of each level. In Rocket Knight Adventures, you enter the second level, after having fought a pig mecha-thing on land and sea, and a mechanical snake, and immediately are met with a giant robot with swinging maces for arms. It is almost impossible to take on these opponents without sustaining a fair bit of damage, and the life-giving bananas are not abundant. Any one of these baddies, in the first level even, could have been justified as being end-level bosses. Rocket Knight Adventures does not follow the expectations of the player, and you end up playing very mindfully as you never know when some massive thing is going to probably kill you.

It’s your basic side-scroll at first impression, but then it begins to play with the spaces it builds and their depth and permeability. You’re in a room, in a castle. You’ve had a few seconds of peace. Now the ceiling is busted open by a robot worm. Now the roof has three holes. You’re playing whack-a-mole with this worm’s head, then it breaks into both sides of the room. The worm can now attack you from the tops or the sides of the room. And now it’s laying little attack spiders that you need to dodge. Later on, you’re beside a waterfall. A snake-thing whirls in and out of your range of attack, through the water. Always visible, but never predictably vulnerable to your attempts at wounding it, it winds in and out, inflicting damage here and there.

The settings change relentlessly. To again go back to Sonic for contrast, in Sonic, every level has its specific thing. Marble Zone, you deal with lava. Labyrinth Zone, have fun trying not to drown. Scrap Brain Zone, technology coldly and industriously attempts to squash you. But in Rocket Knight Adventures, one second you are hurtling down a mine shaft dodging the grasp of a speeding train pursuing you from a rail above, but then you’re battling underwater, and then you’re in a lava-filled cave. I personally like the way that Sonic has themes and aesthetics applying to each level, but I respect the hell out of Rocket Knight Adventures for how it tells its story and makes the player feel as though anything can be thrown at them at any time.

Rocket Knight Adventures must be an empowering game to master, because even once you’ve gotten down the movements and mechanics, you are still liable to be thrown a massive challenge at any given moment (I do, however, say this as someone who could not master it, but I’ll get into that later). And while every challenge is tough, it is never insurmountable. The game rewards ingenuity and lateral thinking. Can’t fight the pig operating the machine because the machine’s claws keep snatching at you? Fight the claws until they explode, then launch yourself repeatedly at the main body until it’s kaput. Ever wondered how you’d survive walking atop a zeppelin flying at full speed while a lunatic flings barrels at you? Well, here you go because suddenly you need to. High-speed aerial battle with a giant spaceship that then spawns a flying Megazord-type-thing just as you’ve downed it? Sure, okay, I guess I can try to beat this.

*sigh* Fine, I guess I’ll fight this giant badass too

This draws you into the story, in a way. By focusing on the character’s movement from area to area rather than just appearing in a brand new place with no information on how he got there, the player may care more, and feel more immersed. You are not merely planted into a new setting, but you go from place to place. It is a different type of immersion to Streets of Rage and Sonic because while they usher you into new settings with small opponents, then throw you a big boss to fight before you head off to the next setting, this game makes you forget about levels entirely. You are always moving, with no knowledge of what might herald advancement to the next stage.

I cannot, in all honesty, say that I fully enjoyed this game. I admire it, greatly. I appreciate what it is doing. But it is not what I would consider fun. I gave up, in fact, around level three, and had to consult an amazing playthrough by Youtuber temujin9000 in order to see how the rest of the game plays out. Temujin 9000 actually does a very interesting critique of the game in the video’s description, so check that out if you’re curious. I’m torn, really, on how I feel about it. Nostalgia goggles remain firmly in place, so I feel fond of this odd game.

On one hand, I respect its difficulty and I think perhaps Sparkster could have been as profitable and iconic as Sonic had the game been less unforgiving in its intricacy, so I respect that it wasn’t a phone-in to sell merchandise. But, even though I’m not a very skilled gamer, it could have struck a better balance between being challenging and being rewarding. While it wasn’t an easy-breezy, anyone-can-and-will-play-this, it should still be somewhat encouraging to players. Sonic has great moments of levity, where you release all the captured enemies as you complete the level, but Rocket Knight Adventures is a bit of a slog. It was an interesting choice, to let the game flow from set piece to set piece, but it is at the expense of the game’s longevity because it is hard to remember these story aspects in any real sequence.

Overall, I’d say that if you are a fan of challenging, weird retro games, this one will capture your attention. But if you play retro games to unwind and to return to beloved sequences that you remember fondly, Rocket Knight Adventures is no walk in the park. It’s a sprint along a path, then a run through a castle, then a fly through the air, then a leap through a waterfall, a jump onto a zeppelin, and on and on it goes. It may not be my cup of tea, but it could be your shot of hallucinogenic sambuca.

The post Sega Mega Jive: Rocket Knight Adventures appeared first on GamEir.

Mmm, improbable muscles

I used to play alongside my older brothers when we had two controllers. Adorably, just before the year 2000, my oldest brother (who now has an engineering degree) dismantled our second controller because he was worried that it contained ‘The Millennium Bug’, which we believed was an actual insect at the time.

I don’t know if this game was ever meant to really be gritty, but if it was, then it is delightfully retro. This amazing intro plays over a night-time city skyline backdrop at the start:

“What was once a happy, peaceful, productive city, full of life and activity, has fallen into the hands of a secret criminal syndicate. The leader of the syndicate has somehow managed to keep his identity a secret. The organization soon absorbed the city government (anyone can be had if the price is right). They even have the metropolitan police force in their back pocket. Looting, random violence, and destruction are rampant. No one is safe walking the streets, day or night…

As the chaos continued at full strength, three young police officers tried to establish a special attack unit. They were repeatedly refused by their superiors, most of whom had either been bought by the organization or were too afraid to make a stand. One day, when they could no longer stand by and watch their city being demolished, they quit the force!

Adam Hunter, Axel Stone, and Blaze Fielding decided to forego their careers in legal law enforcement and put their lives on the line. They are without weapons, but each possesses great hand-to-hand combat abilities. Take them into the heart of the city and battle the most dangerous wave of bad dudes and chicks ever assembled. Make the city a place where people no longer have to walk the Streets of Rage!”

They aren’t very well dressed for their dark crusade through the criminal underbelly. Adam is wearing a yellow tank and bitchin’ leather pants, Axel is wearing tight blue jeans and a white tank and poor Blaze is freezing cold in the shortest red leather dress imaginable. But enough snark from me, I do genuinely love Streets of Rage.

Standard crime-fighting clothes

Levels

There is a nice amount of variety in the levels, and it does a great job of fleshing out this nameless city. We begin on a well-lit street, with neon lights in shop windows behind. In telephone booths that you punch through, to reveal, if you can believe it, an apple or a turkey on a plate to revive your health. There is a constant pulsating soundtrack throughout the whole game that adds to the atmosphere, beautifully composed by Yuzo Koshiro, who has a staggering body of work, including another game I will soon cover, Revenge of Shinobi.

In this first level, the music is particularly tight to immerse you quickly in the game’s rhythm. The next level is an even dodgier part of town with lots of litter blowing around and empty oil drums. Then it’s off to the bleakest beach you’ve ever seen, with dark teal waves rolling endlessly. Then a bridge, then a boat, then a factory, an elevator, and finally Mr. X’s Headquarters. The backgrounds in these areas are slightly repetitive, as you pass the same shops or alleys or what have you, but the music keeps you bopping along like a badass as your enemies satisfyingly cry out before they flash away out of this mortal coil.

One thing that is always surprising is how the game plays around with its status quo. For most of the game, you are doing a straightforward, left-to-right side scroll. In the bridge level, there are suddenly gaps in the ground that will cost you a life if you fall down. In the elevator level, rather than the left-to-right you have come to expect, you are ascending the building while enemies attack every time you reach a new floor. And in HQ, suddenly, you are moving right-to-left. These twists and turns show that the game is playing with the player’s ideas of what is to be expected, when, in 1991, a simple left-to-right side scroll would easily have sufficed. This is one of the many reminders you get while playing retro games that, while it all may seem quaint and simple, developers have always been challenging the limits of their medium. A modern player might originally think that the repetitiveness of Streets of Rage‘s backgrounds is a flaw, but it functions more as a conscious way of deepening that immersion, nurturing the player’s sense of expectation, only to subvert that in later levels. Pretty impressive stuff, really.

Simply designed, but still bold and innovative (one of my rare, unsnark-ey captions)

Enemies

In researching this, I have discovered that the many opponents you face in Streets of Rage actually have names! Well, every single type of opponent has a name. They also each have their own fighting style and, as the difficulty ramps up, they become quicker and harder to kill. Every level, you have one chance to summon a police car that will rain fire down on your enemies with a flamethrower, which is handy when the enemies all cluster around you. However, if you suffer from Shrek fingers, as I do, you will often summon this car accidentally (because the button is right beside your punching button) when you have one or no opponents. I tend not to even mind when this happens because it is super funny that this car even exists. Anyway, let’s get into some of the more common enemies you face:

Garcia: Garcia is the first enemy, the red-haired, denim-clad punchy boi. He often has a knife or a broken bottle. I think he probably listens to classic rock.

Look at that poor third wheel Garcia, someone fight him, please!

Hakuyo: Hakuyo seems a bit out of place on these mean old streets of rage, as he is a kung-fu fighter wearing traditional Chinese garb, which doesn’t seem like it will help him much if he gets stabbed or anything. He is a bit of an uncomfortable stereotype. But he does have lovely long hair, fair play to him. I had a crush on this enemy as a child, because long-haired guys with no facial hair (Legolas from LOTR, Red Power Ranger from Power Rangers in Space) were very much my type back then.

Nora: Very sensibly, Nora has opted for thigh-high stiletto boots, silver leggings, and a red leotard. She wears a peaked cap, almost a mockery of a policeman’s hat, and carries a whip. There is something unsettling about her shrill, drawn-out scream when you kill her. I could probably write a thesis about this character but now is not the time.

Signal: Signal is way more my type nowadays, sorry, Hakuyo. He’s a fashion-forward, neon-wearing, mohawk-having thug who has a sneaky, slidey way of attacking the player. You kind of don’t want to fight him, you want to ask him what underground gigs are happening tonight.

Jack: Jack is the most realistic enemy. He reminds me of a stereotypical Galway crusty. Wearing shorts and incessantly juggling, I can tell he never buys his own rollie cigarettes and always brings his own giant dubstep speaker to every festival he attends. He is less annoying here, attempting to kill the player, than he is in real life, attempting to convince strangers to let him sleep on their couch because “Does anyone really live anywhere?”

Bosses

The bosses in Streets of Rage are actually pretty hard. Plus, in the HQ level, they all return for one last shot at beating you. For some reason, they are all (except Mona & Lisa) super tall and large, but at least that gives a nice David-and-Goliath feel to defeating them.

Giving villains unrealistic body standards since 1991

Antonio: An Italian gangster, he wears a tiny denim jacket over a stripey t-shirt and also cowboy boots. He also fights using a boomerang. You have to give them credit here because there is literally no Italian cultural stereotyping here. He also has quite elfin ears, making you wonder if perhaps this is a future vision of Middle Earth.

Zamza: This dude is creepy as hell. He has long metal claws attached to his hands which probably severely hinder his social life. I like to imagine this is why he has chosen this dark path. He has an impressive shock of bright yellow hair and has opted for all denim, except for a statement red t-shirt under his vest. Get up close to him and his claws can’t slash you as easily. Also, perhaps getting close to him reminds him of the humanity that lies beneath his scary exterior and makes him ponder on his direction in life, leaving you free to pummel him to death.

Abadede: Abadede, a pro-wrestler who you first meet as the boss of the beach level, has a strong aesthetic. He is probably so steroid-addled that he is as much of a victim of this criminal underworld as the city is. His moves and appearance are apparently based on James “The Ultimate Warrior” Helbig, which I think is a nice tribute. I wonder why he is relegated to patrolling the beach, as he is definitely not dressed for what appears to be a cold and windy night.

Big Ben: Resembling a circus strongman, this beast of a guy has everything going for him. He is strong, he is fast and he literally breathes fire. I feel, personally, that he is being shafted and deserves a higher place in the boss hierarchy, due to being a fire-breathing giant.

Mona & Lisa: These sisters do everything together, including trying to kill you. They are exact doubles of Blaze, except they have opted for a green dress as opposed to Blaze’s red. Fighting them as Blaze allows you to narrate your own interpretation of the conflict, in which Blaze is their triplet and they are disappointed that she has decided to be a good guy instead of choosing crime. It is interesting that, in this game, there are two female physical types – a long-haired woman with a very short dress or dominatrix woman in thigh-high boots with a whip. As with Nora, there’s a thesis in there somewhere.

Mr. X: The man of the hour. The man with a plan. Possibly an inspiration behind the Team Rocket leader Giovanni from Pokemon, this classy gangster is the man behind the chaos, the calm and calculating genius waiting for you after you defeat his cronies. Interestingly, he gives the player the option to join his syndicate and it is up to the player to decide. If you decide you will join, you restart from the factory level. If you are two-player and the other player decides yes and you decide no, then you fight the other player. If you decide not to, you must fight Mr X, who wisely has a machine gun. None of this punching craic for the big boss. You can throw his continuously spawning Garcia friends at him which makes him fall to the ground, leaving you time to punch his lights out, but it’s a definite slog as he has lots of health. He can afford to go to the gym all the time, I guess. Corporate fatcat.

Verdict

I love this game. Yes, Streets of Rage is soaked in nostalgia for me, and that obviously affects how biased I am in favour of it. I can’t honestly say how you’ll feel about it if it wasn’t part of what shaped you as a gamer, but the madcap variety of this game is intoxicating. The bizarre and bonkers nature of the enemies you face doesn’t take away from Streets of Rage, because they are each challenging in their own way. It is both literally and figuratively colourful – every level draws you in with its solid soundtrack and distinct setting.

I love how this game did not rest on its laurels; instead, it offers different heroes and switches up gameplay once the player gets accustomed the mechanics. To me, this is what is great about retro games – you go back expecting it to be easy because last time you played it you were a child. But what you find is something genuinely engaging and challenging, and you forget about the practical limitations that were in place for games at the time. Streets of Rage was well-made and it holds up big time.

Back into the gritty streets of Dublin I go…

The post Sega Mega Jive: Streets of Rage appeared first on GamEir.

Sonic first rolled his cheeky way into gaming history in 1991, with the release of Sonic the Hedgehog on the Sega Mega Drive (aka. the Sega Genesis stateside). A 2D platform game, it’s clearly influenced by Mario but offers the chance to players of speeding through without missing anything. By that, I don’t mean that the length of the levels or the difficulty is compromised – I mean that the levels are intricately built so that Sonic can hurtle through at a high speed and he is still going up, down, upside-down and the player is on tenterhooks trying to avoid spikes and creepy robot enemies. Inside every enemy, is a cute little critter that the evil Dr. Robotnik has enslaved to… well… I guess slow Sonic’s roll so that Robotnik can get the six Chaos Emeralds? It’s not hugely clear why the critters have to be involved if the robots are robots but whatever, it makes for a nice reward when you stomp on a metal fly and a bunny jumps out of the wreckage, scampering to safety. It’s even better when, at the end of the level, you jump on a giant tank and legions of bunnies, birdies, and piggies are released to your delight.

The greatest strength of Sonic is the varied and well-designed levels. Each one has a fully realised aesthetic, with a score to match. There are six main levels.

1. Green Hill Zone

It’s all fun and games until you meet a ladybird on wheels

Green Hill Zone is iconic. Bright and verdant, the plants seem full of life, but trawling through the high grass are Robotnik’s creepy creations. Sonic slides down steep valleys and up high hills, past waterfalls with robot piranhas, avoiding the flies overhead who calmly blast little balls of energy at Sonic as they pass him. Springs are hidden in the undergrowth that bounce Sonic up high to get rings (the currency in the game – for every hundred rings you get, you get another life. If you are hit by an enemy, you lose your rings. If you are hit while having no rings, poor aul Sonic is dead) or to little televisions (? is all I can say) that contain power-ups such as a protective orb, super speediness or invincibility. Incidentally, I learned the word “invincible” from watching and listening to my brothers playing this game when I was about six or seven.

2. Marble Zone

Oh, you know, lava, that danger we face daily. Relatable content.

Marble Zone is one of the reasons why, as a kid, you assume lava is gonna be a really common issue you run into in adult life, like John Mulaney says in his stand-up about quicksand. Full of secret chambers and shortcuts, but rife with descending weights and spikes, this level introduces the player to how features of these levels are, depending on your playing, helpful or hazardous. You can stand on an iron block as it pulls you up, but watch out if you’re under that block as it crashes down once it has reached its apex. It’s a cool, apocalyptic, gothic kind of level.

3. Spring Yard Zone

Spring Yard Zone, the only place to have a stag do in whatever this universe is called

My personal favourite. This is the level I would painstakingly carry out the cheat for (up, down, left, right, A and Start, but only hit A if you hear the ring sound effect while Sonic waves at you in the intro screen – these things were fiddly). It’s like a kind of bonkers casino Las Vegas-type of place, inspired by a pinball machine (this idea is taken to an even madder extreme in Sonic 2‘s Casino Night Zone). A tinkly, sparkly, synth-ey tune with an almost sleazy bassline drives you along as you bounce impossibly high and speed down vertical hills, jumping at the last minute to avoid the dangers awaiting you whenever you get too comfortable. Neon signs pulse in the background, and everything is red, magenta, blue or green. It’s so fun in Spring Yard Zone that, despite the difficulty ramping up, it feels like a reward after the slightly bleak Marble Zone.

4. Labyrinth Zone

It genuinely looks like a good place for a holiday

I used to annoy my brothers by begging them to play this level over and over again before I was good enough to play it because it’s just so pretty. It’s an ancient vine-laden ruin, with crystals growing from the plinths and carved stones decorating the platforms, and you move mostly underwater. After Spring Yard Zone, where speed and precision are key, it is a real change of pace as you come to grips with swimming out of the path of peril and you really deal with the up and down axis as well as side to side. Sonic can also drown, so rushing through an area might make you miss an essential air bubble that allows Sonic to stay submerged for another thirty or so seconds. Though it’s a really tricky level to get through, it is also the one that most makes you want to book a holiday to some country with nice ruins and warm sea temperatures. Which I know, that’s not exactly something one looks for in a game, but damn, this level is gorgeous.

5. Star Light Zone

A E S T H E T I C

As a child, I found the music for this level so pretty that I would hum it when my Bratz were getting married. Star Light Zone is, overall, a nice, chilled-out space. It is what you need after the frenetic button-mashing of Labyrinth Zone. Stripped down, minimalistic, Sonic roams this nighttime starry scape, with hints of a city in the background. Rather than any natural landscape, the platforms are pale green strips with dimly flashing red lights. The game really lets you play around here, as there are many times at which you just let Sonic off the leash, building momentum and flying through the air. By now, you know that hazards await at the end of these rhapsodic moments, and you’re ready for it, to land Sonic on the platform temporarily suspended in space and to hop up to safe ground from there. It’s not all sweet and nice though – there are walking bombs that, while adorable, have a relatively large damage radius. Creepily enough, if you fall you die as you go into an endless abyss. But it’s a goddamn picnic compared to our next destination.

6. Scrap Brain Zone

I think the place is due an inspection

Firstly, let’s look at this name. It’s a wee bit foreboding. I’ve heard of scrap metal, and ‘scrap brain’ does a good job of maybe hinting at why Robotnik (rotund, mustachioed, a bit of a buffoon) is actually a fairly scary villain. This level is shiny steel and black and yellow stripes – giving an industrial, factory kind of vibe. But this is not a factory that has a health and safety officer (as far as it appears – then who put up all those yellow and black hazard signs?). A grinding, mounting theme with the odd drumroll pulses, adding to the industrial atmosphere and the rising sense of foreboding as you get closer and closer to the final boss stage. Act 1 of this level has Sonic outside the factory, while Act 2 has him inside. There is fun to be had with tubes that transport you from place to place, but apart from that, this level isn’t playing. Walls move, conveyor belts lead you doomward, fire flares out of broken pipes (c’mon Robotnik ya cheapskate, think of the workers) and there is a claustrophobic creepiness to being in this weird factory (in which brains are, apparently, scrapped). Act 3 takes Sonic to a place like Labyrinth Zone except with purple water and grey stone, leading you to the final zone, which is a kind of factory space in which Sonic must try to beat Robotnik without taking any damage whatsoever as he has no rings. The battle music is epic but will become your least favourite tune after the second or third time this final boss stage obliterates you.

If you didn’t grow up with this game, I hope this inspires you to find a way to play it today. It is a gaming cornerstone for a reason and it hasn’t been left behind by the technological progress of the last decade or two. In fact, it remains as colourful, inventive and entertaining as ever. If you aren’t as lucky as I am to have a Sega still functioning after all this time, the rise in appreciation for retro gaming has made it fairly easy to find these old consoles. If you’re Dublin-based, I would again recommend the R.A.G.E. on Fade St, just off George’s St, for buying Sega consoles and games. But you’re a smart cookie, you’ll find a way even if there are no retro purveyors in your area.

Any Sonic veterans, tell me – what was your favourite level of Sonic the Hedgehog? Least favourite? I’d love to know. Imagine me as an impatient Sonic tapping his foot, as I await your answer.

The post Sega Mega Jive: Sonic the Hedgehog appeared first on GamEir.

Solbot Energy Rush is a new mobile release from Freakout Games. It’s a charmingly simple game that promotes the use of sustainable energy. You are Solbot, hurtling through space and collecting energy resources and avoiding getting blown up. A series of facts on how to conserve energy and resources are integrated into the menu. It’s a game with a message, but it is also a nice time-killer for commuting or waiting for your perpetually late pal to show up to the pub.

Retro Romp

I enjoyed the retro feel of this game. Your space hero, Solbot, careens upwards and you guide him in catching orbs with a golden halo, avoiding the normal orbs which will explode if he hits them. It was reminiscent of the boss stage for Dribble & Spitz’s minigames in the Game Boy Advance game, WarioWare Inc (watch from 4:00 for that specific minigame). Do let me know if that game was also referencing something else because WarioWare is full of those revivals of old gaming concepts. Solbot Energy Rush has that charming, hypnotic element to it, which is exactly what you want from a fun, simple mobile game.

Eco Space Warrior

Between levels, sometimes, there are communications between Solbot and his commander. It is entirely unpretentious, just wholesome, cheerful encouragement: “Hey, Commander! Mission completed!” “You did better than me when I was at your range!” ” Using the environment responsibly sure feels good!”. The game never really strays far from its own mission – to get its players thinking about how they can be more energy efficient citizens of Earth. This sincerity is what is really sweet about Solbot Energy Rush. It never hides its clear aim, but, like Saturday morning cartoons that most of its players will have grown up on, it feels innocent and uplifting. It is also refreshing to consume media which puts out an ethical message without any subterfuge when we are daily inundated with product placement. Eco encouragement beats shameless capitalism any day of the week in my book.

The Exploding Orb in the Ointment

Unfortunately, there are aspects to Solbot Energy Rush that could definitely be improved. The tap system which controls where Solbot moves to onscreen is very sensitive, and sometimes inconsistent. What will move Solbot slightly one second doesn’t budge him the next, or it swings him to the other side of the screen. This means that in a game which is all about steering your character towards goals while dodging others, you often lack any control whatsoever. This doesn’t cripple the game from any enjoyment, but it can inspire a fair bit of rage-quitting.

Another problem is that the mobile ads block aspects of the menu. Listen – we don’t begrudge ads in a free game. Anyone who does is being entitled. But in Solbot Energy Rush, it is often at the expense of the game’s usability. This makes the ads all the more intrusive and makes the menu more difficult to use.

Overall, Solbot Energy Rush has the potential to be really fun as well as informative. I love the idea, I love the aesthetic, I love the good message. A classic and simple game is a really wonderful and inventive template for incorporating a social message, and that is truly admirable. However, the tapping issue does impact the enjoyability of this otherwise delightful game. If some of these mechanical issues can be fine-tuned, it’d be my go-to accompaniment to a podcast on my long Luas ride to work.

Solbot Energy Rush is available on Android and iOS. Follow the game on Twitter for some more amazing facts at@SolbotEnergyRsh.

The post A Review in Progress: Solbot Energy Rush appeared first on GamEir.

Tell me a bit about yourself!

My name is Benjy Bates, and I am a game developer. I live in Dublin, I was born in England. Durham, northeast, underneath Newcastle and Sunderland. I call myself Benjy because there are two pro golfers called Ben Bates and one DJ called Benjamin Bates.

You’ve recently put out a game called The Outpost Nine, and this is the first episode of the game, right?

The game’s about a year old, but it’s just got a Steam release now, which is exciting.

Tell me about the game.

It is kind of an amalgamation of a lot of different things. It is part-text adventure, part-visual novel, with kind of point-and-click elements to it. If you’ve ever played a game called Snatcher or if you’ve ever played really old Hideo Kojima games, it’s very evocative of those.

It started as a lot of different things. I don’t know what you’re like creatively, but for me, I have a million ideas at once, all trying to be something and burst through onto a screen. So, originally, The Outpost Nine was a cowboy game and then – THEN – it somehow became a game about kings and knights, and it just kept going and going  until I sat down and I had something that I thought looked nice? ‘Cos it went through so many different art things, and the original build was this text adventure in which you had to avoid being eaten by an alien. Based literally off Alien. So that’s what I had.

People played the demo, they thought it looked great, they thought it played great, they liked it, which I didn’t expect at all, and then I decided ‘Tell you what, I’ll make a whole thing of it. If this gets as much popularity as it does, then yeah sure, I’ll go along with it.’

So gimme a quick plot synopsis for The Outpost Nine.

It’s a game that follows the skeleton crew of an outpost on the moon of ‘Cobalt Paradise’. They get a distress beacon, they go into the ship and they find that they have an extra guest, who is a horrible monster. And that’s kind of what the basic outline of it was, but now that I’m going into creating more content for it, what I’m focusing more on the character side and less on the horror elements. I want more world-building flashbacks in there too.

The aesthetics are pretty distinctive. What inspired the look of The Outpost Nine? I see a kind of ’70s vibe with the colours.

The colours are saturated. It’s a VHS-style look, but instead of being more muted, I wanted it to be more vibrant. To catch the eye a bit more. Alien is my favourite film in the whole world and I wanted to make something that I could put my love of that film into. I’m also a huge fan of Halloween and I wanted something that felt like that. There’s a lot of different things in it. I’m a huge fan of Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci, the Italians of gore. Some martial arts aesthetics. I wanted something that felt kind of grindhouse. Something that looked like a horrible-arse film that you’d see at a grindhouse at two o’clock in the afternoon in some horrible cinema.

What are the challenges of making a game by yourself that end up making the work different from big studio games?

Well, you’ve got to consistently put work in. You’ve got to have a lot of self-discipline. I guess that’s the same with everything. I can be very lazy, and there are days where I just don’t feel like I want to do anything creative. But the more effort you put into something, the more consistently you’re putting effort in, that’s what makes it stand out from everything else.

I don’t know if the constraints necessarily make for better storytelling. I’m not under the same pressure as someone in the AAA industry, I don’t have the same creative limits, I mean. I can tell, literally, the story I want; I am my editor; I am my writer. Actually, if anything, I think that freedom can make a project worse. Limits on creative projects can make something really interesting and make something really fun. I had my own limits and that helped The Outpost Nine.

So what kind of advice would you have for someone looking to develop their own game? How can they use the constraints to their benefit and avoid the pitfalls?

Well, there’s always gonna be constraints anyway, because for instance, I’m not a coder. I don’t code. I know very basic ‘My First Coding Language’ kind of stuff. That’s my real constraint. That’s why this is a point-and-click game. But I love point-and-click games, so that’s not really a bad thing.

If anyone’s getting into the industry and they’re thinking ‘I’m gonna make this game, and I’m gonna do everything,’ – you’re not gonna be good at everything. I understood that a visual novel has a visual aspect to it, and so can a text adventure, and so can a point-and-click.

How did you get into making games?

I was an artist. I studied film, but I’d never made a film, I’d never written anything. Like I have housemates who are working in film, and they used to shoot films when they were teenagers, so I don’t know what lofty dream I had. I think I just wanted to get into games.

When I was between about 8 and 10 years old, for Christmas I got a charity boxset game. It had Road Rash 2000, a Myst and a Broken Sword. I didn’t know any of them, the only game I wanted that year was WWF Attitude because I was like a little normie baby. When I got Broken Sword I sat down and it blew my mind, cos it was like looking at a film but you controlled a character. Everyone was just living their life and you could go up and talk to them. I’d never seen anything like that before.

So, I wanted to make games like that when I was a kid. I always drew them down, in copybooks, where the character would walk to if I clicked something. I thought it would be a pipe dream because I didn’t know how to make a game and nobody really told me. So that’s what attracted me to film. Then I got into a coding class because I couldn’t get a job, and then that coding class went from one place to another, and I eventually got into the game dev whole thing. It all just fit cos I’d been raring to do it since I was a kid, so I hit the ground running.

What personal strengths do you have that you think benefited developing The Outpost Nine?

I’m an artist, so I know how I want it to look. Also I guess, my interest in creative writing. I’m not the best writer in the world, and I don’t think I ever will be, but I can tell when something is bad. Gaming dialogue is the worst, I don’t know if you know this, Cora –

Metal Gear Solid?

Yes! Dreadful. Gaming dialogue is quite possibly some of the worst dialogue in the world. If gaming dialogue was in a film, we’d laugh at it. What I was trying to do with The Outpost Nine was trying to write it in a way where it already felt tongue-in-cheek? So, the characters all use ’70s vernacular, which I think is something that I’ve never seen before. I have three vernacular dictionaries up all the time when I’m writing. Because I want you to play The Outpost Nine and feel like ‘This is Ben’s game because they all talk like this.’ I wanted to make something where the dialogue felt not-terrible.

What is the best way for somebody to get into game development?

Well, YouTube has become a fantastic resource for getting into game development. First of all, you have to pick an engine. There are loads. Picking the right one for you is the tough one, it just depends on what you want to work in more. I would recommend Unity, out of all of them. There are so many different things you can inject into Unity if you don’t know anything. I made The Outpost Nine in Unity, using really simple drag-and-drop tools. So there’s that.

If you’re making something very specific, there are engines specifically for those, and none of them are bad. What you wanna do is look at a game engine before you look at language, because if you’re going to code from scratch, that’s insane. That’s something that an intermediate person would do.

Once you pick an engine, watch YouTube tutorials. I used to teach a course, it cost 6 grand, that’s insane money. You don’t want to spend that much before you’re sure that it’s something you want to do. There are really dedicated people with YouTube channels that you can put a quid in on Patreon, and support them, or actually a tenner, that’s more fair. When I was making The Outpost Nine, I looked up a Youdemy course for Unity, cost me about a tenner (I got it half-price) and even then, that was so valuable. Look at Youdemy, look at YouTube.

If you would prefer a more hands-on approach, you could always do a course.

You worked at Pulse College, right? Did you find it good discipline to teach as well as learn?

100%, yeah! Everyone was great, too, it felt really nice to do that kind of thing. Pulse is a really good college, it’s really great. The price can be expensive for some people, but that’s how colleges are. And nothing forces you to learn more than being in that kind of environment. If you put money into a course, you’re going to finish that course.

So, the kind of gamer who’d like The Outpost Nine. What other games would they be fans of?

Older Hideo Kojima games, adventure games. But it’s so heavily based on Alien, I think that it could kind of fight itself into people’s Steam libraries even if they haven’t played this kind of game before. There’s a lot of people who really like the aesthetic of it, which is very strong. People see the ad and then they want to play it. I don’t think it’s for any specific type of gamer really.

Finally, Ben, what’s you favourite lame line from any game ever?

Oooh it’s… ‘Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?’

Is that Time Crisis?

No! It’s Bad Dudes.

Oh. I should have guessed. Thank you Ben!

The Outpost Nine can be checked out on YouTube right now, with some great Let’s Plays by users such as RiskRim and Yippee Ki Yay Mr Falcon.

Chapter Two of The Outpost Nine is in the works as we speak.

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Let your pals here at GamEir know – have you ambitions of game development? Have you made anything or do you have anything in the works? There’s so much talent here in Ireland, and all you have to do is want it and work hard! Support small developers, my dudes.

The post Interview: Benjy Bates – The Outpost Nine appeared first on GamEir.

I’m honestly excited. This game isn’t set to be a reality until who knows when, but having gotten so much fun out of the games and the lore of the Elder Scrolls universe, I am already pumped for this. So, almost purely as an exercise in self-indulgence, I’m going to lay out all the things that would make this game shoot past its iconic siblings as the greatest installment in the saga yet.

Location

The general consensus on TES subreddits that I frequent – r/ElderScrolls, r/teslore and r/skyrim, is that this game will take place in High Rock and/or Hammerfell. I’m gonna say both, because High Rock is only about a third of the size of Skyrim, and Hammerfell is right beside High Rock. Interestingly, the Bretons of High Rock have an affinity to magic, while the Redguards of Hammerfell are suspicious of magic. Trayvond the Redguard, in Hammerfell, explains his point of view regarding magic use: “Don’t much like spellcasters, because Wizards steal souls and tamper with minds. If you use magic, you’re weak or wicked.” This thematic clash could be really interesting throughout the game. While the Nords of Skyrim are suspicious of magic too, the impending doom of the dragons’ return and the Civil War threw the staunch Nords into disarray, and it was never hugely apparent in Skyrim that magic use was much of an issue.

The locations we see in the trailer of The Elder Scrolls VI are varied – mountains, desert, coastlines, and a beautiful city. These places fit into the idea of High Rock and/or Hammerfell neatly. But mostly, the trailer did a good job of showing us what the game definitely will not be. It won’t be in Argonia, swampy home of the reptilian worshippers of the Hist. While Elsweyr, home of the Khajiit, is definitely a possibility, I think the other aesthetic choices of the trailer rule out this region. The Khajiit are always framed very much as “Other” in the games, with a sense of exoticism. The music used in the trailer sounds as if it heralds war or some great conflict, seeming to match a more traditional and broader tone for this kind of high fantasy. Any Elder Scrolls installment centred around the Khajiit would take into account their archetype as excellent spies and assassins, and therefore the trailer wouldn’t be striking these loud definitive chords that sound more like an open war is about to rage.

Main Theme

Why do I keep referring to war? Well, as I’ve mentioned above, the familiar theme for The Elder Scrolls seems, in this trailer, to be heralding great conflict. But I also must admit that a Reddit user on the mega thread for hype surrounding The Elder Scroll VI announcement has really convinced me. /u/TERAFLOPPER asserts in r/ElderScrolls that there is an Akaviri invasion imminent. The lore in most of the games has been hinting at a stewing Akaviri plot to take over Tamriel, and this commenter believes that Tosh Raka, leader of the Tiger Dragons of Ka’Po’Tun, has the ambition to carry out this invasion. The commenter even points out the significance of this being the sixth (VI) instalment and the invasion being AkaVIri: “I believe that the teaser teased the location of where the Akaviri armies would land to invade, at the coasts of High Rock. Based on overwhelming fan requests in a thread started by the devs at the official TES forums several years back I believe The Elder Scrolls VI will take place in AkaVIr and parts of Tamriel and it will be centered around the greatest war to ever take place on Nirn.” While this commenter asserts that the game will take place in Akavir, I think it is more likely they will keep this one on Tamrielic soil, with some missions possibly bringing you to locations in Akavir. In this way, they get to introduce the Akaviri element, which will be fresh and interesting, but not have it define the entire game, which would be definitely too mystifying to less lore-obsessed Elder Scrolls fans.

Things to improve from Skyrim for The Elder Scrolls VI

Skyrim is a pretty amazing game. No game is flawless, but this one packs in so much that while you will eventually get bored, you can’t really complain because you have spent 200 hours on this specific playthrough. It has a landscape that varies very naturally and feels very real – a definite improvement from Oblivion which felt, at times, like a storybook. The cities and towns are distinct and every player has a favourite (mine is grumpy, gorgeous little Falkreath, by the way, and if I could plunge one city into ruin it would be Markarth). The NPCs feel a lot more lively than most games can manage, and provide an abundance of side quests when you aren’t bothered defeating Alduin just yet, or you have no idea what the hell a Stormcloak is and why you should or shouldn’t join them. It’s a game that allows you to immerse at your own speed. However, there are definite aspects that can be improved, and I hope The Elder Scrolls VI accomplishes this.

Counter-questlines

The first thing I would want is for every controversial faction that has a main questline to have an equally complex counter-questline. In Skyrim, the Civil War is equally as long whether you are Imperial or Stormcloak, as is the Dawnguard quest, whether you choose to be with the Dawnguard or not. However, this cannot be said for the Dark Brotherhood or the Thieves Guild. Many players of the Elder Scrolls game really enjoy the character-building aspect of the game – while they may have played the game 20 times before, they can choose to play it as any race, any sex, any affinity, and with their own personal ideas of the character and what they would or would not do. I recently played with this gorgeous male Breton character, and he looked like Viggo Mortensen (obviously this was on Skyrim and not Oblivion where they all look like potatoes). So he seemed like such an archetypal hero when the time came to join the Dark Brotherhood, I took the other path – to destroy them. The whole quest was basically to go to their lair, which wasn’t hard to find at all, with a password the quest-giver helpfully tells you immediately, and to slaughter the members of the Brotherhood, who are pretty lame opponents.

This quest could have been amazing – you could have needed to go through a dungeon to find the password, you could have needed to gain the trust of a Brotherhood member to find the lair. Or, following the trigger of the counter-quest (killing Astrid) you could be constantly on the watch for the members of the Brotherhood, all stalking you with their own methods to assassinate you.

Please, Please, Please, Let Me See the Dwemer in The Elder Scrolls VI!

Trust me to make a very tenuous Smiths reference in an article about the Elder Scrolls. This point may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it opens some interesting discussion. The most enduring mystery of TES lore is what became of the Dwemer (or Dwarves). A race of elves who believed only in knowledge and the god of their own creation, the Numidium, they vanished into thin air just prior to a huge battle, leaving only their halls and automatons.

I don’t know if I want an answer as to what happened to them, exactly. The theorizing has become integral to the fandom and the mystery is what draws most people into wanting to know more about the lore of the universe. But I’d love a flashback or some kind of quest in which for a few minutes you get to see a Dwemer ruin as it was when it was populated. Perhaps not directly communicating with an actual Dwemer, but a glimpse of their society. I could do with even just getting a better idea of how they lived. There’s a Dwemer city in Hammerfell so maybe we can expect some cool history to unfold itself to us there!

Magic

Because there’s a good chance the Bretons may be central to this installment, it would be great for the game mechanics to take another whack at magic. In Skyrim, it’s overly simplistic and doesn’t quite encourage you to branch out. I tend to lean on Destruction, and I just blast my enemies with flames until I passively reach a high enough level to get Wall of Sparks or something. In Oblivion it requires more discipline but is also more rewarding. You feel like an actual mage, and the ability to craft your own spells and name them makes the player feel active in furthering their own magic skills. A blend of the two approaches would be great – have the leveling smoother and more integrated, as it was in Skyrim, but let the player be more proactive and creative in their use of magic (as in Oblivion) for The Elder Scrolls VI.

In conclusion…

Just please, Bethesda, please, finish this. But also make it perfect. But also don’t rush it. And make sure it’s massive.

We may not know when we’ll get to play The Elder Scrolls VI, but it’s gonna be spectacular.

The post The Elder Scrolls VI: A Wishlist appeared first on GamEir.

Now, one has to be pretty discerning with scented candles. Too light, and you may as well have bought any candle, scent or not. Too heavy though, and you may find your head is spinning and it has nothing to do with how many times you’ve had to respawn and bashed your head with the controller in frustration.

The one I want the most is the Hyrulian Forest. It sounds relatively subtle, with ‘notes of crushed leaves, fresh mint, and refreshing eucalyptus,’ but also immersive. This Zelda-themed candle is versatile and would make a gorgeous accompaniment to tramping through the forest in anything from Far Cry to Pokémon. It is also hand-made and vegan, so it is in line with most ethical shoppers’ values.

The second most desirable product that Big Boss Battle showcase are these Destiny 2 candles. I say this grudgingly, believe me, as I have grown a deep resentment of the Destiny franchise due to it having captivated many of my pals to the point where they wouldn’t leave the house. But I think if Destiny fans won’t leave the house, at least this beautiful little multipack of candles will bring some reminders of the outside world to even the most inhabited of living rooms. Read the page’s description of how each candle corresponds to either the Earth, the Moon, Mars, Venus or the Dreadnaught. They’re an official Bungie product and the design on the candle glasses are perfectly adapted to the game’s aesthetic.

This article led me to look up what other cosmetics are available for you to treat yourself or a loved one to. Etsy is, as always, a goldmine. Check out these Playstation controller bath bombs (just don’t confuse them with the real ones you spent 50 quid on). These exquisitely scented candles come with a free Legend of Zelda charm. Or up your bath game with Pokemon bath bombs that each come with a hidden toy that reveals itself as the bomb dissolves (let’s hope these free gifts aren’t too small or pointy or this bath could get very unpleasant). And, of course, on Pinterest, we have bath bob-ombs.

These adorable and impressive homages to virtual worlds have set my imagination on fire. What about a Napalm-scented perfume that comes in a Nuka-Cola bottle that looks a bit battered and bruised a la Fallout? Or tumble down to Rapture’s depths with a “Would you Candle-y” that smells of old gin, viscera, and neglected child-monsters? A high-tech lighting piece called a Mario Kandle which changes colour and scent-based of what character is in the lead in your Mario Kart round? OR! Mortal Kandle, in which two candles with an overpowering smell compete to see which one will make you pass out. How about a new Sims expansion, The Sims 4: Smellin’ About, where the box contains a disc with 20 new cosmetic-based items for the game and comes with 2 free real-life, plumbob-shaped perfumes?

Alright, I’d better give this a rest before you realise how far down the path of madness I have gone, being deprived of a shower for three days during the festival. But! I want to hear about products or cosmetics that you have gotten, or gifted someone, along these lines! What are your favourite websites or sellers for personalised gaming merchandise? Or, if you ARE a maker of gaming-related arts, crafts, or cosmetics get in touch! We would love to hear about your work.

The post Bath Bob-ombs: the worlds of cosmetics and gaming collide appeared first on GamEir.

• Mechanics

Elements of the mechanics seem very interesting, but some ideas are questionable. Most notably, the method of catching wild Pokémon has fans looking askance at this release. The old method was to weaken the wild Pokémon and then throw a ball, with your chances of catching increasing the lower its HP was. The new method is more like it is on Pokémon Go. It utilises the Switch in that with the joy-con, your hand motion will dictate more effective ball-throwing, or if in handheld mode it is more like a throwing mini-game. While innovative from the point-of-view of the console, this eliminates a lot of the tension and difficulty of catching Pokémon. Bringing that Clefairy you’d wanted down to low HP without it fainting, but not such high HP that it would resist being caught, was part of the art. You were training yourself, the player, as opposed to the Pokémon.

Another feature that bothers me a little bit is that you can see the Pokémon (as well as their strength, indicated by colour) in the long grass. Gone is the tension of walking through the long grass, with only the knowledge that the Pokémon you want to catch has a high probability of showing up. Yes, it was frustrating when that 1,000th Weedle appeared when all you needed was a Metapod. However, being able to choose what you face seems to be cutting out a lot of the challenge of the training/catching that is so key to the game.

There are some undoubtedly cool things though – for instance, the joy-con has a rumble to it now, for when something jumps out at you or a trainer challenges you. It is impressive how meticulously they are adapting the Pokémon game model to a new medium like the Switch, and it will be undoubtedly lucrative.

• Gameplay

There is a new collaborative mode in which a second player can roam with you as you play. This idea is promising: a more experienced Pokémon player can help initiate a new player into the game. However, this could be frustrating if the tutorial part of the game is as long-winded as it has been in recent Pokémon releases (Sun & Moon, I’m looking at you). Accessibility for newer players is one thing, but an unavoidable amount of cutscenes and explanations gets wearisome for the seasoned Pokémon trainer.

There are also cute little mini-quests to do around town. The one demonstrated in the video involves minding a guy’s Slowpoke while he runs an errand. Though not very challenging, it makes the people wandering around town more three-dimensional and fun to engage with. Also, the companion Pokémon feature has been massively improved – an Onix can wander around behind you in all his massive glory, or you can check with Charmander how he’s feeling. You additionally have Pikachu or Eevee sit on your head or shoulder as a kind of mascot, which adds a nice aspect reminiscent of how Ash and Pikachu interact in the anime.

The gyms are set to be more creative than ever before. We get a glimpse of Brock’s gym in Pewter City, now featuring a spectator area. This is a really fun addition, making the game feel more cohesively like a story as you have spectators to watch your feats as you work you way up the trainer hierarchy.

One gripe I have, however, and call me an old man yelling at a cloud if you like, is that the rival has been watered down into something more resembling a motivational pal. Those with a fondness for the older games will be a little nonplussed at the replacement of an iconic enmity with some dude who really maturely wants you both to do well. I just can’t see becoming the Champion of the Pokémon League being as satisfying without that frisson between the player and their rival.

In summation…

Overall, it looks really fun. Revisiting Kanto with the current level of graphics and gameplay that we expect from Pokémon means a trip down memory lane which will be as stimulating as the newest releases in the series. It is really impressive how the mechanics of the Switch have been incorporated to make a unique Pokémon release. It will probably push some very picky Pokéfans into finally buying the Switch. From a marketing perspective, this game is very canny. It will boost Switch sales, but also the focus on Pikachu and Eevee (endlessly marketable cuties) will no doubt lead to many plushies and NFC-type figurines that will captivate fans of this release. The possibility of linking your Pokémon Go to the game may also boost the amount of people engaging with the app.

As with all Pokémon releases, it looks fun and cute. These games become more immersive with every instalment, and as long as they remain challenging and imaginative, the fans will keep coming back.

The post First Glimpse at Pokémon: Let’s Go, Pikachu/Eevee! appeared first on GamEir.

So, we’ve all been there. Saved the world, defeated Alduin the World-Eater, visited Sovngarde, came back to tell the tale. Not that anyone is asking you to. Possibly the most frustrating thing about being a hero who has impacted all of Tamriel through your selfless deeds is the fact that just about nobody cares. OK, yeah, you can talk to Paarthurnax, who will be frustratingly oblique and not exactly as congratulatory as you’d like. You can talk to the Greybeards but they’ll mostly not speak back. And, yeah, of course, you can talk to the Blades, you know, Pompous Old Dude and Snarky Assistant. They’ll be thrilled that Alduin is defeated and then immediately tell you that if you don’t kill your old pal Paarthurnax that they won’t talk to you anymore. So your reward for saving Tamriel is some rambling from an old retired dragon, happy nods from the Greybeards and a new, rather unpleasant, job from the Blades. Thanks guys!

Maybe you also happened to be the Hero of Kvatch during the Oblivion Crisis, and was expecting something a little warmer from most people you run into around Skyrim. In Cyrodiil, people have no problem telling you how amazing and selfless you are. You’d think it gets old but nope, it absolutely does not. Also, that nerd Martin sacrificed himself, so he’s not around to take any of the credit. In Skyrim, even before killing Alduin, you are the sole reason why there is an economy (notice that there are never any queues in the stores you visit?), you have saved/done good deeds for most people in most towns and cities, and you, though it is never mentioned, are the only successful archaeologist and excavator around. Still, you don’t get any respect. And once you’ve saved the world? Chilly indifference, broken only by the odd “It’s a fine day with you around!”.

It gets hard, guys. It ain’t goddamn easy. But I’m here to tell about some coping mechanisms to get that sweet, sweet approval fix that you need to get through another skull-bashing day.

Absorb yourself some Dragon Souls

From the first time you do this at the Tower of Whiterun, this is a surefire way to get attention in a totally heroic, who-me kind of way. Let’s say you’re about to go around Dawnstar and try to loot that buggy chest near the mine. Suddenly, you hear that all-too-familiar screeching and some dragon lands on a roof in front of you, quaking the very earth upon which you stand. So BOOM, you shout Dragonrend and, in front of all the terrified and very in-the-way townspeople, you hack that dragon to bits before their eyes.

Unfortunately, they all immediately wheel around and go back to their normal lives with not a single thank-you. Sure why would they, who are you only the ONLY PERSON who seems to know how to fight dragons? They’ve come to expect such excellence from you, which, okay, is a compliment. But like, I don’t know, maybe some days it’d be nice if some of the guards would say “We’ve got this, don’t worry, it’s literally our job,” but nope. Or a “Hey, thanks for stopping our town burning down, we do appreciate all you do, Dragonborn.” Nah. It’s apparently my job to protect towns that I’m not even a Thane of yet.

However, once the dragon’s soul flies into you and all that epic music blasts, they all immediately run back and stand in awe of your excellence. At this stage it is extremely validating to run up to each townsperson and talk to them so that they can tell you that they’ve “never seen anything like it” and you can feel like you’re special again.

“FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN!”

Nobody said these were healthy coping mechanisms, okay?

Who’s this punk Miraak?

Oh, um, okay, who are these robed Lovecraftian cosplayers who are telling you that you are not the Dragonborn? They didn’t really get much chance to talk before you smashed their dorky heads in and left them naked on the streets on Riften, but ummm could a false Dragonborn have done all that you have done? Tell me, when’s the last time this squid man killed THE ACTUAL EMBODIMENT OF ARMAGEDDON?

Whatever, it’s fine, don’t let it throw you off your game, just hop on over to Solstheim and show this dingdong what’s up. This quest is a great way to remind everyone how great you are, including yourself. Your sense of growing irrelevance and inferiority is challenged by this new opponent, plus the whole quest to defeat him takes place on a cool little island where small communities seem to remember you more easily and even Hermaeus Mora is excited to see you come and shake things up.

Apart from when that Storn guy gets impaled (by… knowledge? I think?) this is a feelgood quest that lets you tear down your most vocal critic. Haters gonna hate, from whatever plane of Oblivion they’re hiding out in. And then, you’re gonna bash ’em good.

Serve your daedric overlords

Personal morality, shmersonal smhorality. Once you’ve completed main quests and you still aren’t getting that pure uncut validation on the reg anymore, you quickly come to realise that the beautiful, noble character you have created has tumbled down a slippery slope into more murky depths. The Dark Brotherhood and the Thieves’ Guild welcome this descent, and so do the Daedric Princes.

“I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid… Tell me Dragonborn, now when did you last let your heart decide?”

Shed your personal standards of what is good and evil. Always hated Lydia? Bring her up to Boethiah’s shrine and sacrifice her. Jarl of Whiterun’s kid is acting creepy? Steal his only friend, the prince Mephala. Seen one of those preachy Vigilants of Stendarr hanging around outside a house in Markarth? Help him face whatever’s inside and, while you’re at it, slay a priest for Molag Bal. Get drunk and offensive with Sanguine, and play around with some dead dude’s mind with Sheogorath.

It might not seem like much, but by shedding your personal morality you not only expect less of yourself and therefore crave less external validation, you’re also getting mad props from demi-gods like alllllll the time. And if some thug tries to act tough with you, you get to choose which historic and madly powerful weapon you get to fight him with. Feels good, man.

Love in its most selfish form

Let’s say you’ve done all of this. You’re not just the Dragonborn, you’re also the swing vote for the whole Skyrim Civil War. You’re the savior of two criminal guilds. You’ve encountered every daedric prince and gotten some swag out of the bargain. Essentially, you’ll be in every history book related to the fourth era and people will be totally singing your praises. But right now they sure aren’t.

The best and most selfish way to feel a rush of validation is through the magic of love, my dudes. Get yourself an Amulet of Mara and suddenly you’ll realise “Hey, these people were only holding back their attention because of how absolutely knockout I am.” You can swan around talking to randomers and just say (in the most awkward sentence structure of all time) “Interested in me, are you?”

If you’re not even ready to settle down yet, you can still ask people if they’re interested, hear their enthusiastic response, and then walk on by. It’s the Skyrim equivalent to hitting and quitting it. All the validation, none of the commitment. And, once you’ve chosen your mate and they inevitably disappoint you – remember, there’s always your next playthrough and The Shrine of Boethiah – that’s the way to wreak vengeance on a disappointing ex.

“Hey Stenvar, baby, I found a really cute shrine, wanna come hike it with me?”

There it is, guys. Ways to distract yourself from the crushing meaninglessness of your exceptional existence in the harsh land of Skyrim. Risk your life killing dragons just to win their souls and strangers’ approval, get rid of that sneaky Pirates-of-the-Caribbean’s-Davy-Jones lookalike and save another landmass, throw everything to the wind and do whatever powerful demi-gods tell you to, and finally, find temporary inner peace by people telling you they want to marry you. Happy wandering and watch them Skyrim skies, traveler.

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