Sisters Royale is a bullet hell game with an especially hellish premise. Five sisters are destined to save the world from the evil Seytan. Subtlety is not welcome here. However, they all hate each other and won’t co-operate or even meet to discuss the possibility. One day this all changes and they assemble. Have they put their selfishness behind them to protect reality? Nope, they’ve just gotten together to fight over a fella they fancy. Babble royale more like.
Sisters Royale with Cheese
The five sisters all technically have different personalities but all seem to be vying for the honour of “most annoying”. Listed in order of eldest to youngest Sonay, Selma, Ece, Nur and Lale don’t look like family but apparently delusional narcissism is hereditary. Each equipped with a unique firing pattern and special attacks they nonetheless try to jazz up a series of boring stages. The story is unbearably narcissistic, only worth following if you have a penchant for masochism.
A Shmup for Schmucks
Where great shmups (elderly slang for shoot ‘em ups) focus on mobility all of these sisters move like they’re wading in custard. The thrill of narrowly avoiding laser blasts is absent, now just a lazy walk through the park. The Tension Bonus System, a multiplier system based on enemy proximity feels completely inconsequential. Yet this is one of the supposed main features!
The action is functional but in a genre with so many classics it’s impossible to recommend this over titles close to forty years old. The ancient Galaga still feels more intricately designed. An array of options are included to spice up game-play including adjusting enemy speed. The ability to play with a full screen if you position your Switch vertically is a surprising, welcome addition.
The Ugly Step-sisters
Visually unappealing, Sisters Royale jumps from generic anime designs to basic 3D chibi models. A cluttered user interface only adds to the mess. The soundtrack is irritatingly repetitive which can make the longer levels feel like a true slog. The menu music is particularly egregious, almost forcing players to get out as soon as possible.
There’s little to say about Sisters Royale. Far too basic in gameplay and outright asinine in presentation, a thoroughly trying but short-lived experience. If it was not so grating it would be a diverting enough, close but no cigar. A shoot ’em up that’s not worth a shot.
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